Cloudy With The Promise of Sunshine

More and more I have this sinking feeling that I’m not living life anywhere near to the fullest. Like I’ve fooled myself into thinking otherwise. As if hopes, dreams, imaginings, stories, and fleeting sensations and moments are somehow a substitute for true adventure and aliveness.

It’s starting to scare me, that time is passing so quickly, that so many bucket list items remain undone. Sometimes I feel like these photos look, so much potential obscured by clouds. I could blame this on any number of things. But the truth is that it is only me holding me back. I am the cloud.

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The campus I work at on a cloudy autumn day.

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The gold dome on this building glows majestic on a sunny day.

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These flags seem both comforting and austere amidst the backdrop of the clouds.

But doesn’t every cloud have a silver lining? Is there not beauty and potential to be had in the misty gray darkness?

On a lighter note, for some reason this song kept playing through my mind as I typed this depressing post. Not sure it’s totally relevant, but the lyrics are nice and the beat is cheery. Hope you enjoy if you choose to listen.

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25 thoughts on “Cloudy With The Promise of Sunshine

  1. You’re right Kim, every cloud does
    have a silver lining and Time is an enemy
    to us all. We can only make the best of our time
    on this beautiful planet, one day at a time. ☺️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think Kim that we all go through phases of life like this… I sure did, for a long time in fact. And it was a vicious cycle, because the more I thought dark thoughts, the more negative things seemed to happened. Then I had a catastrophic thing happen to me which set me into a very dark place physically, mentally and spiritually for a while. I had a choice to make and I decided I wanted to live life in the light. Once I made this choice, everything changed for me. It took work of course, but putting my positive energy toward wanting to live a different life has helped so much. Things don’t go perfectly all the time and I still have things that I wonder about. But my attitude is completely better and my coping skills get me through. I am content, something I’ve never been (not saying you are not) so I see the world in a way now where I try to make most things be significantly OK. And I try to be more mellow with people and understand them, forgive them and love them anyway……xo Good luck dear.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I’m so glad that you were able to move past that catastrophe and find peace and contentedness. It’s apparent on your blog that you’ve taken charge of your life. You are correct that it is all about our choices, and choosing to look at the positive in life. I can’t say I’m discontent, just more so worried that I’m not making the most of my life. Maybe I’m being unrealistic, given the fact that the day to day grind is necessary. Maybe I need to start enjoying the grind.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Ha ha. That’s an interesting way to put it. Well, I don’t think that’s necessarily true. The grind sucks for sure. Maybe we must learn to accept that at times the grind is part of life. I was discontent most of my life sadly. And I used to look back a lot (and occasionally catch myself now) and just kick myself about all mistakes. Now I work VERY hard to live in the now. What else do we really have? It really helped. So if I try to make the most out of each moment, whatever it might be…it gets better. When you break it down that way, there is always something good you can find. A lovely flower, sunrise, birdsong, something nice someone says, something you read or hear… I look for the good now instead of the negative. And I can usually find something. xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I like Svet’s response.
    No one can tell you what you feel is not real. It’s there and needs to be understood and settled. Only you know what’s in your heart, what you want to do, where you want to be and how you want to go about getting there.
    Your post reminded me of an old homey song that’s actually older than me. I don’t know it did but the title of the song is Accentuate The Positive.
    Sometimes I think that’s the only way out of these situations. Look at what you have, be grateful for your blessings and don’t weigh yourself down with what can’t be at the moment or what might take some planning to get to. Seems simple but it’s not. Most things are achieveable in time, but time is part of the issue here, isn’t it..:)
    I know what you’re feeling about getting to a certain point in life and feel like time is running it and not achieving or seeing or being all that was possible.
    Maybe we won’t. But we at least have what we have which may be more than most and we have the opportunity to realize some, if not all, of those bucket list dreams. One day at a time.
    Or as Anne Lamont says, Bird by Bird😊.
    Have faith, Kim.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Isn’t that song also about ants and rubber tree plants? Or is that high hopes? I’ve heard it, though, I know. I really appreciate your thoughtful response, George. It’s good of you to take the time. Working with college students is gratifying in so many ways, but it also makes me feel so old at times. Watching some of them live their lives to the fullest, and then there are others who don’t come close, and I often wonder where they all will be in 20 or so years. Will they have regrets? Will life disappoint them? Will the daily grind get in the way of their dreams? Or will they make it all a great adventure? I recently did a bucket list and vision board exercise with my freshmen in a class I’m teaching, so this is on my mind. My grandmother, who is deceased, was such a wonderful example of enjoying the little things in life, realizing they’re the things that matter most. I strive to be like her, because you’re right, it’s unlikely we’ll get to all the things on our bucket list, and that’s okay. By the way, I still need to read Bird by Bird.

    Liked by 3 people

      • In all seriousness, Kim, I heard recently that polyamory is catching on amongst the under thirties. In an academic, peer-reviewed study, it was revealed that 20% of respondents in that age group had had a sexual encounter with someone other than their partner. Now, this statistic doesn’t sound that remarkable at all, does it? And in fact, the figure of 20% was broadly repeated across all age groups. So, not remarkable in the least given the pervasive sexualisation of so much about contemporary society. The thing is, the 20% of those under thirties had in fact had the approval of their partners to go ahead. I was quite amazed, but there we have it. I’m too old for it all, myself, but like you, I’m pathologically faithful and hence true to any pledged fidelity. Or I would be if I had a partner. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Kim, I don’t remember exactly how old you are, but I seem to think that you are about ten years younger than me, give or take. If so, I think that beginning to panic about how much time you have left in your life to achieve your dreams is common for that phase of life. When we were young, and even into our thirties and maybe early forties, we still had the idea that time was on our side, and we’d get to all the stuff we wanted to do eventually. But once you get past a certain age, the reality that you only have so much life to live left (if you’re lucky) can hit hard. I know, because I felt the same way.

    But after a while, I began to realize that no one ever promised me that all my dreams would be realized, and that I did, in fact, still have quite a bit of time left to pursue at least some of them. That realization gave me the drive and courage to take a few risks, and oddly enough, taking those risks has made me more content than I was before. Not everything worked out, and I know there are still things I want to do that will probably not happen, but I do feel as if I’m more genuinely living my life now.

    So, sorry for the long-winded answer, but I guess what I’m saying is maybe just embrace this restlessness and see where it leads you. And know that those clouds really do have silver linings, if you remember to look for them, and appreciate them when you find them. The small stuff does count, I think. Good luck, Kim!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ann, please don’t ever apologize for a long comment. I welcome everything you say. I appreciate your advice so much, and I know you truly understand how it feels. The refrain in most everyone’s comments seems to be to enjoy the everyday, small stuff. Maybe instead of “don’t sweat the small stuff” it should be “embrace the small stuff.” That’s what the people I admire most do on a daily basis. You’re right, who said we have to realize all our dreams. Why not just enjoy the process. I guess what’s hard is feeling like so much of my time is taken by work. Ten hours a day with the commute! This is what needs to change, so that I have more time for those small moments. Also, I have an aunt and uncle who are in their early 70s and only recently did they start traveling to all kinds of great places, like China, Israel, Italy, and Greece, and they’re not stopping anytime soon. Very inspiring. Thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comments.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way quite often. I’ve noticed that it’s often when I am stuck inside due to weather. Focusing on the moment and diving into my hobbies seems to help. Prayers for you Kim! We are both searching I think. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, dear! I guess occasional melancholy and feeling like time is passing too fast is normal. I just wish the weather didn’t drive my moods so much. I’m with you that being stuck indoors doesn’t help.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Hey Kim, as you know I had one of those days recently and I do know how you feel. But I also know that if we take each day as it comes and make the most of all the little things that come our way, it really does make a difference. Hope the gray clouds have shifted a bit since you wrote this post. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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