Defining Midlife

What, exactly, is midlife?

This was the question some of my friends asked when I announced on Facebook that I was starting a blog about entering midlife. They wanted to know was it was an age range, a turning point in life or something else?

middle-age-that-time-when-you-finally-get-your-head-together-then-your-body-starts-falling-apart

I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. All I knew was that I wasn’t young anymore, nor was I old. I was somewhere in between.

Hoping to get a definitive answer, I did what any reasonable person would do: I Googled, “What is midlife?” The results were 1,690,000 hits. I determined from the first few pages that the average age range is 45-65, with some variations.

Many of the sites offered tips and advice for coping with middle-age, as well as signs you’ve finally hit it. Some I could relate to, such as finding more gray hairs and needing reading glasses. Others were just plain silly, like being obsessed with AM radio and not knowing who Justin Bieber is.

Seriously, you’d have to live in a cave not to have heard of Justin Bieber, at least if you’re American.

In the midst of my non-scholarly research, it occurred to me how complicated and relative the concept of middle-age is. Once upon a time people married in their early 20s, had babies right away if they were able, and were empty nesters by the time they hit their mid-40s.

Nowadays, some people don’t have their first child until 40. As such, at an age when their own parents were likely getting ready to retire, they are forking over huge college tuition payments.

Times, indeed, have changed.

So what does this mean for middle-age? Is a man or woman who is 40ish with small children not considered middle-aged, even though he or she might have gray hairs, need reading glasses, and listen almost exclusively to AM radio?

What about a 67 year old person who is active, still working, and not only knows who Justin Bieber is, but has a crush on him? Has she passed some threshold into the Golden Years based on age alone or is she considered middle-aged?

It is all so very confusing, and I still don’t have a definitive answer. All I know is that despite having a young child at home, I consider myself middle-age. The reason is that at age 46, unless I live to be 92, my life is more than half over. This, in my book, constitutes mid-life.

Then there is the matter of gray hairs, wrinkles, sagginess, and receding gums (yeah, I know, TMI). I also get tired more easily, don’t recover from injuries as quickly, and have to work really, really hard to maintain some semblance of fitness.

On the plus side, I am more confident than I used to be, which comes from knowing who I am, and what and who really matters. I value my friendships far more than I did when I was younger. I appreciate the little moments in life because I now realize how precious they are; truly they are the stuff life is made of.

Middle age is a mixed bag, a time of contradictions. I have a growing intolerance for bullshit, yet at the same time I’m more patient. I feel emotionally and psychologically freer, yet physically tied to more responsibilities. I still pursue my passions, but with a greater sense of control than I did when younger, because now I have other people and things like mortgages to consider.

Whereas once I was too busy striving, acquiring, pursuing, and achieving to live in the moment, I am now doing my best to live a fuller, richer life by being present in each moment. Before, I wanted to become so many things. Now, I just want to be.

I’m not sure if this is part of being middle-aged or simply personal growth. Whatever it is, exactly, I’m down with it.

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5 thoughts on “Defining Midlife

  1. Oh, I love this post! I write about middle age, too, and am still confounded by what exactly the boundaries are. I think you said it well: that it is a very fluid thing, defining the midlife years. We know who we are, we are more patient, and more comfortable with ourselves. And yet at the same time, we no longer tolerate bullshit well, we are often horrified when we look in a mirror and see the old person looking back at us, and we wonder just how far off our “golden years” truly are. It is a mix of good and bad, for sure. But for me, the positives do outweigh the negatives, and I truly enjoy reading about others who are dealing with middle age openly and honestly. Keep up the good work!!!

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  2. I love this post, Kim! There’s so much in there that I recognise in myself 🙂 I’m going to be 42 in three months and feel nowhere near middle age..maybe I’m deluding myself..LOL. I strongly believe people of our age will live to a hundred at least, so neither you nor I are half-way through our lives yet. I started going grey and wear reading glasses since I was 28. We got married five years ago and are still hoping for a baby (sometimes I do wonder whether I have missed the boat on that though). Receding gums tick, but I don’t even know exactly what an AM radio is. Keep up the good work on your blog, lady.

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  3. Thank you so much, Ketty. I appreciate your kind words. Imagine all we will see and live through if we do get to be 100! I will keep my fingers crossed about a baby for you. Meditate on it, visualize yourself as a mother and visualize your beautiful baby. It will happen! By the way, I meant to reply to your response to me on your blog and tell you that your family history sounds so interesting!

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